Mastering the Alley Pee

One of my biggest missed photo opportunities in the last Critical Mass was to take a shot of the line of male cyclists lining up to pee against a fence in the south side (I think this was somewhere along King Dr, or close to it anyway). After the mass, there was a discussion on the listhost of how to deal with the need to pee. Someone suggested that rather than stink up alleys with pee, to do it between parked cars instead. This prompted the following suggestion:

The Kneel Technique

Back in the day a friend and I developed the kneel technique for males urinating outdoors in conspicuous places with autos around. (This may satisfy an additional urge for those on this list.) One lowers themselves next to a car tire, the inside knee on the ground and the outside leg with
the foot on the ground and bent at the knee–assuming a posture as though one were inspecting the tire (“inspecting tire” thoughts help the scenario). Be mindful of the slope of the ground and let nature run its course from there.

Update: A masser sent a link to the following photo:
pissing on suv

2 Responses to “Mastering the Alley Pee”


  1. 1 Jim Greasy May 27, 2007 at 5:55 am

    This won’t work well in critical mass, but I actually find it useful to pee while riding.

    I don’t know the term, but there’s a french word for it (of course there is, right?), and it’s used by some racers when the peloton isn’t up for pausing the race for a pee break.

    Anyway, it also works well on semi-crowded streets, particularly at night, since you can be gone by the time anyone realizes quite what happened.

    I’m afraid I don’t know if this can be done without male equipment, but I’d like to believe it could — (perhaps a shortish skirt makes more sense in this case?).

    For guys, though, it simply requires loosening one’s drawers, picking a good length of straight road, getting up a lot of speed, and then, in one motion: unzipping, getting out of the saddle, leaning to one side, and aiming somewhere just to the side and behind the front wheel (– and being careful not the hit the front wheel!) If you’ve got a full bladder, however, you might have to stop the flow and pedal a bit more, in order not to lose momentum in an embarrassing spot.

  2. 2 Ponder Stibbons May 27, 2007 at 6:05 am

    Simply impossible on a fixed gear, too.


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